I started Her Written Copy because I wanted to just write. Embracing being multi-passionate, research things that interest me, form opinions about them, put them into words, and share them with people who want to read them.
And then somewhere between the idea of starting it and the actual doing of it, my brain did what it always does.
It started making plans. How can I be more productive? How can I make money from this? What digital products could I sell? What services could I offer? What's the optimization strategy? What's the offer suite? What's the funnel?
Before I'd written a single essay, I was already three steps ahead trying to figure out how to make money from the thing. And then because I spent so much mental energy on that, by the time it came back to doing the actual writing I had nothing left. The creative well was empty.
And it did get the best of me. Like this issue for example. Issue one has been published for a while now and I’m just now getting around to issue two because I got sidetracked and built a digital product (which I am proud of 😬 👉🏾👈🏾), but that’s not the point. The point was to just write and built my content library, and now it feels like I'm playing catch up to get it done.
I know I'm not behind, because no one put a time limit on this but me and there's a time for everything and I reason I'm writing this now, but it just sucks ya know.
The thing is, I know exactly where it comes from. Trying to create in survival mode.
When money is tight and the future feels uncertain, the brain goes into problem solving mode. It stops asking "what do I want to make?" and starts asking "how are you going to pay your bills?" One comes from curiosity and wonder while the other comes from fear.
And let me tell you, fear is loud. It drowns out almost everything else like the quiet voice that just wants to sit down and write something true.
All of these feelings came from the moment when I got laid off and not really sure what to do next. Nothing feels secure anymore and I was letting that affect my writing.
This creative dilemma was about trust.
Do I trust myself to make something from my writing beyond money? Do I trust that I can actually build a community of like-minded women who just want to write and build something impactful as well?
Do I trust my own creativity?
Because coming from the corporate world, I can plan and strategize and optimize all day, but when it comes to building something creative, I have to understand that the writing itself is the work. Building the content library, showing up consistently, putting real honest essays into the world, that's not a precursor to the real thing. It is the real thing. The products, the services, the offers, the metrics, those come later, and can come better, when there's something to actually point to.
So now I just write.
As I mentioned in another essay, since my birthday, I’m no longer letting myself down and allowing me to get in the way of me.
Every day I chose planning over doing was another day Her Written Copy stayed an idea instead of becoming something real.
Not anymore.
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